Catching up to Today

So...Our family journey begins almost a year ago. And I want to document all the twists and turns that have led up to this point in the journey, so that moving forward on this blog we can see how far we have come!

Dave and I have always known that starting a family was at the top of our priority list. Once we made our way to Midland, I knew that it would only be a matter of time before we were ready to start trying...I just assumed that you decided you wanted a baby and a couple of months later...poof you were pregnant. And although that does happen for many a couple, it doesn't happen more often than you think. After several months of trying, to no avail, we sought medical attention. After tons of needle pricks and tests the Dr. diagnosed me with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. This disease affects about 1 in 10 women and is the leading cause of infertility.

At this point we were just glad to know what the problem was so that we could start combating it head on. The first thing we had to do was switch Drs...The first Dr. was very hands off and after receiving this news we really wanted someone who was hands on. And that's when we found Dr. Doke! He and his nursing staff have been so wonderful throughout this process, and we knew we were in the most capable hands.

During our first visit with him, he went over everything that being PCOS means. He explained how I am insulin resistant, and this is the base cause for my PCOS, and instructed me to eat a low carb/sugar diet, excersise, and presccribed me Metformin. He also started us on a round of Clomid, which is an ovulatory drug that would help me produce a healthy egg, instead of a cyst.

The diet was hard, but the Metformin helped immediately. I had no idea how many symptoms I had been having that were related to PCOS...I didn't know how good I could feel until I started seeing my skin get healthy (less break outs) my weight dropped, I had less headaches, more energy, and didn't get dizzy or shaky any more. All symptoms that I thought were just things I had to put up with, I never realized that healthy people didn't feel this way!

So, all of that to say I felt much better overall and that was the best step yet on the road to baby. When you are taking ovulatory drugs the Dr will do sonograms on the 12th day of your cycle to see if there is a viable egg in the works, and to make sure you are responding the meds appropriately. My first sonogram went well and he gave us the option to try IUI (Interuterine Insemination), which we elected to do on the first go round. We figured why not pull out all the stops on the first round. It does increase your chances and we were ready for a baby. But unfortunately it didn't take.

So we started the process over the next month and did not have any sucess (minus the IUI, we tried the old fashioned way), but the good news was they could tell from my progesterone test on day 21 that I had ovulated, which is the goal with Clomid. (When you get pregnant or ovulate your progesterone levels should go up.) SO...this was also a good step in the right direction. But that is easy to say now, at the time I was devestated to have had another negative month. Because in my mind we had been trying for months, we just hadn't been taking fertility meds.

So then we started Clomid in month 3...this was the low point on the fertilty train. The treatments and sonograms we getting more expensive and the hormones and mood swings on this drug had hit a fever pitch. I was sure I didn't even want kids at this point and poor Dave had to put up with me through it all and try and be supportive. He deserves a metal for how terrible I was this month. Needless to say it didn't work again.

We were to say the least disappointed, broke, and I was just plain mad. Then we decided to see a specialist in Dallas, not because we weren't happy with our care here, but because we felt like we needed to do more, be more proactive. We were really just trying to find some control in the uncontrolable.

So, we met with Dr. Chantilis, and he was very confident that we would get pregnant. He said Dr. Doke was doing everything right, and that we could try Fomara instead of the Clomid, because my mood swings had been so bad, and he upped my dosage on my wonder drug metformin...and sent us back to Dr. Doke and Midland.

Once again we started the cycle of meds and monitoring over again. This was now the fourth month, and when I went in for my sonogram it was the best looking egg we had seen! And I was feeling like myself again and not satan. I felt confident that this was the month, I just had a good feeling about it. So, we did our very best to make sure we had the best shot possible, and I told Dave that I knew it had happened. I tried not to be too sure, but I just knew I was pregnant.

On March 13th, 2009 I went in to get my regular progesterone test on day 21 of my cycle, and I never dreamed we would get the news we did. My sweet nurse Kim called at 4:45 on that Friday to tell me I had a .7 level (which is VERY low) and indicates that I did not ovulate and I wasn't pregnant. I was SO UPSET...I will never forget the helplessness I felt that day on my drive home from work. I was so confused, mad, sad, and scared. I couldn't even call Dave, I was too upset.

I couldn't believe another month had passed with so many positive signs and still no baby. When I got to the house I climbed in the bed and cried for an hour all by myself, mourning a baby that I thought had existed, at least in my heart. That's when Dave arrived home and found me in a ball of tears and I told him about the test results and we cried together. We held each other and prayed and cried, and prayed some more. And then I had to pull it together because Dave's parents were on their way into town. That weekend was a tough one, and I wasn't myself at all. In my heart of hearts I thought I was pregnant and I couldn't believe that I gotten my hopes up, even though I knew not to with everything we had already been through.

The Dr. had to prescribe me progesterone supplements to help me start my period, since I would not start on my own because they thought I hadn't ovulated. You must ovulate to have a period. Sorry if this is TMI, but it is crucial to the story and God's goodness. I started the pills and normally after taking them for about 7 days I would start, but in this case I just continued taking them until I had finished off the bottle of 15 days. Meanwhile, it was my best friend Anna's wedding weekend in Austin and I was a bridesmaid. And while we were there I danced, drank, and ate my way through the city. I had not a thought of pregnancy on my mind the entire time I was there, and that was a relief. It was great not to have to worry about it for just a little while, and I got to really enjoy myself.

After the wedding some friends were going to 6th street and Dave wanted to go. I told him I wasn't digging it and wanted to go back to the hotel because my back hurt and I was REALLY tired, but he insisted that I would regret missing out on the fun and drug my ass out to 6th st. The next day we headed home and that night I took my last dosage of progesterone. With not a second thought I went to sleep with no idea what would come our way.

Monday morning I took a pregnancy test (as is standard if you haven't started your period, regardless of what past tests have indicated, the Dr. always wants you to have taken one.)So I dutifully peed on the stick, and continued getting ready for work. Dave on the other hand was still hopeful and was praying in the bedroom for a miracle. He walked into the bathroom to check the test, and I told him to put it down or he would mess it up (it hadn't been 2 minutes yet). Instead he looked up at me and said it's "Positive". What??? I just looked at him in disbelief...I had looked at so many of those stupid evil tests with negative signs....I couldn't believe my eyes! So I took another one, and it was positive too. What the hell was going on? Two minutes later I was telling the Dr's office about everything that had transpired and they concluded that I more than likely was pregnant and that the progesterone they had prescribed to start my period, had more than likely save the pregnancy! When my progesterone levels had tested so low back on the 13th I had been pregnant but my body wasn't responding properly. My levels dropped instead of going up and I would have definitely miscarried had they not started me on the progesterone pills. SO...what this means is that GOD IS GOOD, and he provided for the little soul growning inside of me.

There is no other moment that I have felt more loved by our maker. It was no accident or coincidence that this baby had made it this far. Later that day I went in to have a blood test run to confirm the pregnancy. Kim called back an hour later with the wonderful news!

That night we told our family and it was a joyous and happy day! It felt like a weight had been lifted off of us, and we were free to dream again. (Corny I know, but you start to wonder if your family is even a possiblity).

At 7 weeks we went in for our first sonogram, and there he/she was! Heart beating, and very alive. The sonotech used the doppler and we even got to hear the heart beat!! It was so surreal.

Now I am 10 weeks and counting. My next appt is Thurs May 13th 2009. I have been feeling a little green and tired, but all good signs and reminder that I have a baby growing inside of me! Last night was the first night I have ever woken up to hunger pains. They were so bad that I got out of bed at 3 AM to eat a bowl of Cheerios. More on pregnant life later.

xxoo
K&D