Fun at Fiddlestick Farms

So yesterday's post was pretty dramatic and today I feel MUCH better. A good cry and a mind dump onto the blog and life looks pretty different today. Did I mention that Dave came home early yesterday to hang out with me and cheer me up, and we went to Fiddlestick Farms today as a family! This was our first trip and Midland is lucky to have such a cool fall activity place. Fay had her first corn dog, sarsaparilla, kettle corn, and tatter twist. She ate well, played hard, and was TIRED when we left.

SO Tired.  Take Me Home Please.

PPD and the Reality of Hormones

I kind of treat this blog like a letter to myself...and I have to be honest about what's been going on with me lately. Otherwise it is just a rosy look at what I want my life to come across as...instead of what I am feeling. So I am going to let you in on how it really feels to be a mother to a 10 month old and about to give birth to a second. It is utterly terrifying. For those of you that don't know I dealt with Post Partum Depression with Fay. This type of depression uses guilt with reckless abandonment, it allows you to start believing lies about yourself and your ability to mother. At least that was the case for me. The depression told me that I should feel bad for even having feelings of depression, many of the thoughts I was having sounded like this "you don't even have it half as bad as other mothers, what do you have to complain about? oh you got a perfectly healthy baby, and have a husband and family that love you? why do you feel sad, you shouldn't be allowed to have any feelings of sorrow, or be overwhelmed, many have done much more with much less"

It also made me feel like not only was I a shitty person for feeling sad about having a perfectly healthy little person, but it also screwed with my self worth. It made me feel insignificant, small, and incapable of hope or goals. I was embarrassed about having PPD...it made me feel like I was less of a mom because others had done it with a smile, and seemingly so much grace. I on the other hand felt like a failure because I wanted my life back. It wasn't until I got treatment that I realized that all of these feelings had been the depression, that I was not the one that failed, I LOVED MY BABY, I was not the person who didn't want to be Fay's mom, I was not small or weak. I was strong and capable of many things, and I soon realized that I had SO MUCH love to give and that was my biggest strength and unfortunately the part of me that the depression attacked.

So needless to say I have been afraid of feeling that way again. I want so badly to ENJOY Willa's birth, her story, her essence. I want to breath her in, and soak her up and praise GOD that she is here, and not ever look back. But today those feelings of doubt and fear and emotional upheaval have found their way into my head and heart. I find it hard to believe its going to be better...I have cried a lot today. Because this time I am not naive to what is coming, for better or for worse. The only way I beat this is by giving it up to God, being honest about how I feel, and KNOWING that I love my kids and my husband. Pray that these feelings pass, and that I can kick the shit out of PPD this time around. Willa...Fay, Mommy has her game face on this time, and she is going to do the best she can. I love you.

36 Weeks and 2 Days

Went to the Dr today and he said I am fully thinned out and 1cm dilated! Hard to tell if this progress will keep up, but I am holding out hope that she will come on her own before our due date. If she doesn't arrive before Nov 22nd we are going to induce that Monday at 8am, but it would be really nice if she would just come now :)

Sick mom and sick Fay

We are both sick...yuck. She has another ear infection because of these damn allergies that keep developing into infections. We are starting another round of antibiotics today. I go for my 36 week check up tomorrow so hopefully they can give me something for my cough.

Dave and I made 4 dozen cookies for the prison ministry at church, watched the cowgirls loose last night, and are just laying low trying to get well. Nothing too exciting to report.

Nursery Update

We made a lot of progress on Willa's nursery this weekend and I am very thankful to my sweet husband for all his hard work hanging light fixtures, painting furniture and moving every piece of baby stuff we own. He is taking good care of this crazy, hormonal, pregnant lady. Fay was into EVERYTHING today, and I am really starting to feel how big I really am. Getting up and down off the ground and carrying her around all day is becoming more and more difficult. I think Fay will be glad to have a mobile and active mommy back.

My allergies have been killing me...I need them to go away. Fay is suffering from them too, we look like a sad sight, with our eyes watering, noses running, coughing all the time. I have been pretty miserable this weekend and adding insult to injury the horns lost AGAIN but at leas the Rangers are going to the world series! Dave and I have probably seen at least 155 of the 162 regular season games so to say we are excited would be an understatement.

Once we get the nursery completely set I will post pictures. It sure is pretty if I do say so myself!

Anniversary-4 Years!

I love Dave more than I ever thought I could love anyone. He is everything I could have ever wanted and I am so thankful for his presence in my life. My prayer is that our marriage continues to grow in love, encouragement, laughter, and happiness. This is a really cheesy post but we are really in love and sometimes you just want to tell the world about how lucky and happy you are. We have the kind of love that movies are made about and books are written. So babe here's to you! Thank you for the cute PJs you got for me to wear in the hospital, and the new Longchamp purse. I love them both and they were very thoughtful gifts. Just for documentation's sake I got Dave a Jon Hart roller bag, and we went to see The Social Network and ate dinner at cancun while my sweet mom kept Fay. She also got us cute linen Christmas napkins and a waterford crystal bowl.

Any excuse for gifts is a day I like! Fay is playing with some empty boxes in her room while I write this post and I keep thinking about how much more fun she is going to have once she has a sister to play with!

Holidays 2010

I can't believe that Fay is going to be an only child for only 5 more weeks. I don't feel ready, but I can't wait to meet her. I literally don't know how to describe what I am feeling these days...it's too complicated inside my head and my heart, but I am happy and thankful. Our life has taken BIG turns in 2010 and on top of getting ready for Willa, and redecorating our bedroom, I have been trying to get Christmas completely taken care of before baby girl arrives.

I want so badly to enjoy this holiday season as much as possible. Last year I was not prepared and it was stressful. This year I hope to have my tree, lights, gifts, and cards ready to go by Thanksgiving. I will let you know how that turns out, oh and did I mention that I am going to try and have a one-year old birthday party for Fay too? Yeah probably way to ambitious but you gotta try. Please pray for my continued good health, the baby's health and Dave and I as a couple. Now more than ever we NEED each other, and I am so, so, so glad that he is my partner, my love, and my husband through all of life's blessings. We can see all that God is doing every day in our family and it is a humbling experience to have the honor of raising his amazing creations.

PS I am watching Fay on the video monitor and she is trying to stand on her head. And her sock monkey is really funny apparently.

He DID IT!

Last weekend was the Chi-Town marathon and Dave ran it with gusto! I am so proud of him, he finished in 3:49:40. He trained hard and finished well.





We arrived on Friday night and had dinner with some of the training group at Firehouse, which was a great restaurant and we really enjoyed our meal. The next day we headed to breakfast at eggsperience which was AWESOME, I had healthy french toast (sounds like a oxy moron I know) and Dave had good ol eggs and sausage. Then we headed down to the architecture boat tour on the Chicao river and it was a lot of fun. Next onto the expo where Dave got checked in, we visited the booths, and I started to wear out. So we headed back to the hotel room to watch sports, eat, and lay low in preparation for the race.

Race Day: Dave heads out 5:30am.
7:30am Race starts, I get a kiss from him at mile 3!
I head down to mile 17 on the subway and walk a million miles 8 months prego :)
I miss him at 17...head to mile 26.
26 is PACKED with spectators and I accidentally run into a fire hydrant and now have a huge bruise.
I post up under the mile marker sign and see him round the corner looking like a man on a mission. I yell and scream I love you but he can't hear me...he is literally sprinting up the hill to finish the race. I am GLOWING with pride because not only did he finish but he was finishing STRONG.
Dave finishes and heads to the reunite field over a mile away.
I continue to walk a million miles and it is now very hot.
Finally at last I get to hug the man of the hour.



Riding the subway in from the airport



Eggsperience



Boat Tour






Riding the rails



EXPO





Carbing up the night before, please note the Gatorade and bagels



The Finish

Willa Grace We Love You

Here are the 3D pics from our sonogram. We caught her yawning and it was too precious for words. She is already practicing her breathing, blinking and wiggling a lot. Clean bill of health for both of us...next appointment is Oct. 27th. She weighs 5lbs 14oz already...yay!

So much to report

Well I haven't been blogging because we have been traveling around the country like a bunch of gypsies! Dave went to the Great American Beer Festival with all the usual beer fanatics from Austin. The festival is a four day event in Denver and I think it was a VERY fun trip if you know what I mean.

The next weekend was the UCLA game which we gladly skipped. Thank goodness we didn't have to suffer through that loss. Instead we caught up with my high school friends that were in town for our 10 year reunion. We only made it to the pre party dinner, but it was great to see all the old crew.

The next weekend was TX/OU in Dallas. Fay and I flew in on Friday and Dave drove in with our stuff. The Joyners kept Fay for the weekend so Dave and I could have a much needed break at the Stoneleigh Hotel downtown. Unfortunately Fay started to run a 103.9 fever on Saturday night so the relaxing did end quickly but up until then we had an AMAZING time.

My sister and her new boyfriend, Jim Patton, came in town for the game, along with my parents. Friday afternoon the girls shopped and the boys drank. That night we had a birthday dinner for my mom at Nick and Sam's steakhouse. We had planned it as a big surprise since her birthday isn't until the end of the month, but we were all together and decided it was a great time to surprise the hell out of her with a pair of Valentino shoes that she had been dying to have but never thought my dad would spring for. Boy was she wrong...not only did he buy them for her 2 months ago, but he smuggled them all the way to Dallas and to dinner without any slip ups. When the big reveal came they brought us champagne and my mom kept saying "but we didn't order this" and then they brought the shoes out wrapped on a cart. The waiter said "I understand we are celebrating tonight." My mom looked at him and very straight faced said, "Oh you have the wrong table!"

That's when we clued her in that it was her birthday we were celebrating and that the big wrapped package was for her. She started crying...and then she really started crying when she saw her red shoes! The woman is a SHOE HORSE and these were her holy grail...needless to say she was surprised and overwhelmed by all the effort that had gone into the surprise. My dad isn't the most romantic but that night he was prince charming.

The food was great, the drinks flowed (I had sparkling cider), and we got to really enjoy and know Jim. The Wallaces had a great night that we will all remember.













The next day everyone got up and ate breakfast at the hotel and Trey came and met up with us since he was taking my ticket and I was going to the spa instead! They headed out to the game and I headed into bliss...three hours later I had been massaged, manied and pedied, and was ready for room service and kick off. I watched the game in my bath robe and was so happy I wasn't there 8 months pregnant like last year. After our thrilling loss Trey, Dave and my parents came back and we ordered room service again :) I never left the hotel until we checked out Sunday and it was wonderful!

That afternoon we picked up a sick little baby. She was still running a fever but the Joyners did a great job and I knew she was in great hands. She slept all the way to the ranch, which is a sure sign that she didn't feel well. We spent the rest of the week with my sister, Jim, and parents while Dave commuted back and forth from El Dorado. Jim was a blast all week and he cooked the BEST smoked chicken I have ever had. I am so glad Amy has found not only a great guy but a great cook! The ranch was fun, and we were able to nurse Fay back to her energetic self. It's always a little scary when she gets sick and isn't herself, but by the time we headed to Midland on Thursday she was obviously on the mend. Friday morning Amy and Jim had gotten to Alabama to spend time with his fam, we had gotten back to Midland in order to catch our flight to Chicago for the Marathon, and my parents were back in town ready to watch Fay. We dropped her off fever free that morning and headed to the airport.

I will enter a new post about Chi-Town tonight and give everyone an update on Willa...because we are headed to the Dr as we speak!