Hectic

Checking in...I have been wanting to blog so badly but every spare moment I get I try to sleep, but I want to document what life is like these days.  Hectic is the best way to describe it...I knew it would be hard and it is, but at the same time there are moments of true bliss.  Fay has had a hard time, she doesn't understand and the only way she knows how to react is to whine or throw a tantrum, mostly when I am feeding Willa.  She kills me with her smiles, and its hard to see her struggle with this new role of big sis...in fact it is heartbreaking to have her saying and crying "mama" while trying to push her sister out of the way to get in my lap, where just a month ago she was so welcome.  Oh how I wish I could have them both in my lap and love on them at the same time.

I am tired.

But trying to remember that this only lasts a little while.

I love my girls so much and I have to remember that I am not guaranteed tomorrow with them, I only get today.  I tell myself in the middle of the night that I am glorifying God by taking care of his child and that only I can fulfill the needs of this baby.  I am their mother and they need me...and that feels good.

In the midst of all of this I missed Fay's first school program.  I didn't pay attention to the flyer that was sent home in her bag, probably because I was trying to hurry to the next person that needed me but either way I missed her jingling her bells today.  I WAS DEVASTATED.  I cried after I learned that the Christmas play was today and that her class had participated and we were the only parents not present.  I felt like the worst mom, I know she didn't know I wasn't there, but I wanted to see her, I wanted that Christmas memory.  I promised myself today not to get too busy to see the small and big stuff.  I vow to be at every play or sporting event imaginable.

Other than being sleep deprived life is good...Dave and I are stronger than ever.  He makes me laugh in the midst of all the chaos and he is such an amazing partner.

Christmas is right around the corner and this will be the first year Santa comes to visit...so we are getting excited about that.  More soon...I hear a baby crying.